The Great Steak Escape

We all want to be the hero of the story. My friend Reuben certainly did.

It was a big night. His wife had just landed her dream job, and her new boss—a very elegant woman—invited them to her luxury penthouse in Westlands.

As they rode the elevator up, Reuben’s wife straightened his tie. Her hands were shaking. "Please, Reuben," she whispered. "Just be a gentleman. This job changes everything for us."

Reuben kissed her hand and smiled. "I’ve got this, honey. I’ll be the perfect guest."

The Perfect Night

For the first hour, Reuben was a star. The apartment was glowing with soft lights, the music was peaceful, and Reuben was charming. He told the perfect stories. The boss was smiling. His wife finally relaxed, her eyes full of love and relief.

Then, the main course was served.

It was a massive, expensive steak. Reuben took his knife and made a small cut. He stopped. The meat was almost purple. It was so raw that he expected it to start mooing. He tried one tiny piece, but it was cold and chewy. He couldn't swallow it, and he couldn't leave it.

The Moment of Madness

Suddenly, the boss stood up. "I forgot the special sauce in the kitchen," she said. "I’ll be right back."

The room went quiet. It was just Reuben, his wife (who was busy looking at her phone), and that bloody steak.

Reuben looked to his left. There was a huge, dark window. It looked like the perfect escape. If I throw it out now, he thought, no one will ever know. His heart pounded in his chest. Thump-thump. Thump-thump.

He reached out. His fingers felt the cold, slimy texture of the meat. He gripped it tight. He looked at the kitchen door. Still closed. He looked at his wife. Still looking away.

He drew his arm back, took a deep breath, and launched it toward the darkness.

THWACK.

The sound was loud. It was the sound of a heavy steak hitting solid, thick glass.

Reuben’s heart dropped into his stomach. The window wasn't open. It was just perfectly, invisibly clean.

Time seemed to slow down. Reuben watched in horror as the steak hung on the glass for a heartbeat. Then, slowly... slowly... it began to slide. It left a long, wet, red streak down the beautiful window, like something out of a scary movie.

His wife looked up. Her jaw dropped. She looked at the window, then at Reuben’s empty plate, then back at the window. The silence was terrifying.

The Longest Bite

The kitchen door opened. The boss walked in with a smile, holding a bowl of sauce. She stopped. She followed the red line on her window down to the floor, where the steak now sat in a sad pile.

The silence lasted forever.

"I... I am so clumsy," Reuben whispered, his face turning jet-black. "The steak... it just jumped."

His wife didn't say a word. She just stared at her lap.

Reuben knew what he had to do to save the night. He stood up with shaky legs. He used his expensive silk napkin to wipe the blood off the glass. He picked up the steak from the floor, put it back on his plate, and sat down.

Under the watchful, horrified eyes of the two women, Reuben forced himself to chew. He ate every single bit of that cold, floor-seasoned meat. Each bite was a struggle.

The Final Words

The drive home was colder than the steak. Not a single word was spoken. When they finally got inside their house, Reuben tried to apologize.

His wife turned to him, gave a tiny, sharp smile, and said:

"I'm fine."

Reuben knew then that the steak wasn't the only thing in trouble that night.

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What is the most embarrassing thing you've ever done at a party? Let's talk in the comments!

— Written by John Warui